Fifth gen M'sian filmmakers; are they revolutionists? (Part 1)

When I first started writing the paper, I didn't know where to begin and when to stop. I kept on writing and writing ... only to realize after 1 month that the subjects in the paper were not something that I'm trying to study...mmph so I started rewriting it. I had learned a lot during the process ... some through my readings, some through observations, some through studies of the films but the most important aspect was learning from various people. It's amazing to discover that the films are not merely about its subject and the filmmaker, but it's actually about the spirit of everyday Malaysian (If you had watched The Big Durian & 10 Tahun Sebelum Merdeka, you would understand my sentiment). 

The title of the paper would suggest something indie and upbeat. Yes, that is what I want to achieve. However, the paper is much more important to me. I contemplated many times before I finalized the paper...you see the subject of my paper is touche: What equal rights mean for all Malaysians? Many articles have been written about the subject, many by the non Malays, few by the Malays. I was taught early in my research to consider all angles before deciding on a solid stand. So, I was considering what exactly it means for a Malay to address the issue of inequality? That brought me back to the memory when I was 15 when my teacher asked me, how do I feel if the royal status in Malaysia is being stripped off (This was back in 1993). I figured ... I'm always the privileged one. Not only I'm the protected race but I also inherited the blue blood. But exactly what are my privileges? 


My study is more of a self-discovery process. Not only the non Bumiputera wants equality, I too as the privileged one wants equality. I sincerely  think that without the privileges, I too can become someone great. I refuse to be defined by my title...YM or by my race. I'm proud of my background but I want to be able to define myself and not being restrained by who people think I should be. 


The second part of this entry on the actual paper will have to wait until I figure out who I want to be :)

en route to Gothernburg, Sweden

Finally, after months of intensive preparation, feeling lost and uncertainty...the time finally arrives. The conference will start in 2 days time. What do a graduate student feels at this time?

1. Will his/her idea be accepted?
2. Has the analysis been scrutinized from various angles?
3. What kind of feedback will he/she get?
4. Will I survive the longest 15 minutes?
5. Will I puke during presentation? ( or mumble my words out or faint!)

Like my friend, Zarina said, just don't pee in your pants :)

But most importantly, what all graduate students should know..

1. To not forget to enjoy the trip (hey! This marks your entry to the academic world)
2. I'm still learning....duhhh
3. I will not die from harsh comments.

Thanks to....

Zarina Itam for always ready to share with me the 'Truth' about PhD life
Jason Lee for never say no when I need a point of reference (and prezi is awesome!)
Kuhan Kandiah for proof reading my nonsense haha... and for always being there for me.

and everyone for their good wishes and encouraging words.

Sweden, here I come!

Change of heart

I had just registered for my third semester (didn't think I will last this long!) and suddenly I have a change of heart. Should I change my research topic?

I know the right thing to do is to try and look at the problem from a new angle. That will be much easier than changing to a whole new topic...but I just seem to lose interest on the current topic.

Mmmph, time for a break and re-evaluate.

Graduate Class

Today we had our first class for graduate studies. What happen in the class is basically all of us have to present our work in progress to the rest of the class and our supervisor. It's really a good practice because you could share knowledge and comments with one another. Unfortunately, I didn't prepare anything for today's class. The fact is, I'm not sure how to begin.

Still a question to ponder upon...

South East Asian Study Conference

I decided to submit my paper for the South East Asian Study conference that is going to be held this coming Aug. That was back in March. I was uncertain and unsure what to expect. After all, it's going to be my first conference. So I decided to write the abstract. It was the most difficult 300 words essay that I had to write in my entire life (ok I may exaggerated a little bit :)

Anyway, my idea is to analyze The Big Durian & 10 Tahun Sebelum Merdeka and to understand the significance of our history and how it relates to the importance of nation building. Sounds complicated? Not quite actually. I categorize my first paper as raw and amateurish and I still have a long way to go...

I was excited when my abstract got accepted by the convenor! It took about almost a month to get the reply and sincerely, waiting wasn't fun at that stage. I got even more excited when the abstract was uploaded online. I'm officially going to present my paper in the conference...Insya Allah.

download abstract

area of interest

While writing the draft for my proposal to the University, I really had to choose the area of my interest. There were simply too many good documentary films out there, thus making the task harder. I was torn between humanitarian stories or historical events. I decided to choose the later. Every book that I read emphasized on how important to find a good research topic because it will determine the viability of your research and crucially, you're going to be stuck with the same topic for at least four years. It's only make sense to research on something that is fascinating to you (although it might not have the same effect to normal human being). 

History is broad. So, I decided to focus on political history. Mmmph...you think I must be crazy. Well guess what? I think I'm crazy too! 

I remember the first week of the seminar for graduate students, Prof. Khoo Kay Kim gave us this talk (more like a lecture haha!) and he commented on how the youngsters nowadays are no longer interested in history (I silently thought, oh I've made the right choice :P). And then slowly he commented, who would write our history better than us.

I couldn't agree more. 

My Quest

I have always been interested in films, particularly foreign films and indie movies. Recently, I develop a fetish :P for documentary films. Unlike fiction, documentary films are often serious and deal with a particular issue. The story is told from a filmmaker perspective. I was hooked on documentary films when I was doing my research on independent films in Malaysia few years back. I realize that in Malaysia, documentary film is a field that is not fully explored by the filmmakers and viewers alike. I remember watching documentary on Merdeka day by Filem Negara, every time our country is about to celebrate our independence day. The documentary is often historic (not a bad thing!) and monotonous. And sometimes even boring. Then documentary takes a different whole meaning when TV3 produced Jejak Rasul. The episodes were well researched, the subject and the presentation is interesting. And from there on, there were many documentary films produced by our local TV stations.

But it's not enough...at least not for me :) While researching on independent films, I came upon private or limited screening of few local documentary films. Surprising, the documentary films are quite good. Interestingly, many of these films will never make it to the big screen. Thus, my journey on discovering the documentary films begins. I'm captivated by the films as much as I'm intrigued by the filmmakers themselves. To the point I decided to dedicate my academic life (not sure how long it will last!) to write about these films. Insya Allah, this blog will serve as my medium to communicate my ideas and people will benefit from them. That is my quest.